Being "Right"

Comment

Being "Right"

I learned this the hard way in my basketball days:

Even if the coach was wrong in accusing me of something I wasn’t responsible for, letting him know in the heat of the moment only made matters worse.

I am sure you have memories as well, of moments when you challenged someone, because you needed them to know you were right, but it only exacerbated the issue.

Being “right” never got me more playing time, in fact it only lessened it. And what I wanted was obviously more playing time.

So the question was always this: Do I want to be right or do I want to get what I want? It was a simple choice once I got my pride out of the way. And what was I hoping to get from being acknowledged that I was right? A cookie?

Being right is overrated.

Follow Lance on Huffington Post

Comment

Your Shot

Comment

Your Shot

Granted, no one likes a “ball hog,” but when you pass up your good or the best shot available it is the equivalent of a turnover as someone else is forced to take a bad shot which leads to a fast break opportunity for the other team. Teammates who passed up the right shot were playing in fear... fear of failure. And when you are avoiding failure, you are avoiding success.

If you are afraid of failure, you are afraid of success.

You can’t have success without the feedback of failure.

Every good opportunity on the basketball court, or life that I didn’t take my shot at, is an opportunity that was not going to come back my way. You gain wisdom and experience by being willing to miss and to fail, and that experience and wisdom in turn helps you learn what makes a good shot and what is a bad shot and so with each shot attempt you take, you get better at learning what are the good shots going forward.

Every good shot you don’t take is 0% from the field

You miss every shot you don’t take.

Follow Lance on Huffington Post

Comment

The Trouble with the New Age

Comment

The Trouble with the New Age

I mean, I get it “New Age.”… it’s cute, telling your followers that they are already perfect as they are and that they only need to go with the flow of life and never swim upstream… path of least resistance and all that; telling people what they want to hear and then running off with their money.

"You are perfect as you are... That will be $500 dollars. Thank you. Same time next week?"

It’s cute. But it is a lie. There is a time and place for everything: A time to flow and a time to resist.

The trick is finding the balance. 

As a basketball player, resistance made me stronger. This is a fundamental law of nature. It applies to everything in this world. If I never did weight training or cardio, pushing my body through resistance, I would not have been ready nor physically prepared come game time for the adversity that awaited me on the basketball court. 

"Resistance made me stronger. This is a fundamental law of nature."

This is true for everyone. You must face adversity. And face it head on. If you do not, you will have no place in the arena of life.

So, I am sorry. I am not going to tell you that you are “doing a great job,” and “you are perfect as you are,” when you are sitting at home watching “Kardashians” or some reality tv, with your gallon of ice cream sitting beside you... unless you ran a marathon earlier that day… If so, then good job. Enjoy that ice cream. Seriously, you earned it. 

Bravo.

Follow Lance on Huffington Post

Comment

What is Your Polygamy?

Comment

What is Your Polygamy?

“Wait... your talk wasn’t really about polygamy, was it?”

No, it was not. Sure, it resonated with many people who have escaped polygamy or other abusive religious settings, but it was a Trojan Horse, a metaphor, that has allowed me to get in the door to the hearts and minds of many people, to help and challenge to grow beyond their perceived limits and comfort zones.

"What is your Polygamy?'" is a Trojan Horse, a metaphor, that has allowed me to get in the door to the hearts and minds of many people, to help and challenge to grow beyond their perceived limits and comfort zones.

I understand not everyone is going to like it, or my style, or even me for that matter. And the old Lance, the one trapped in his polygamy, would have greatly cared about that. But I have chosen to escape those old stale stories about my self-worth and that love has to be earned.

I choose clarity. And I choose the truth that love is either unconditional, or it is not love at all.

Thank you for sharing with your loved ones at this time, who need to hear this message.

Follow Lance on Huffington Post

Comment

Hard Work

Comment

Hard Work

“He’s not the most talented, but he works hard...”

This statement never made sense to me, especially as I was often the subject receiving this back-handed compliment.

Just as the ability to jump high or run fast are innate and natural and can maybe be furthered a bit with the right coaching, the same goes for someone’s ability and desire to work hard. It comes from within. Playing hard out of intimidation from a coach is not working hard, it’s simply playing in fear, with no passion. The ability to work hard, comes from within and is the greatest talent of all and yet, is often the most under-appreciated.

The ability to work hard, comes from within, and is the greatest talent of all.

Follow Lance on Huffington Post

Comment

Greatness

Comment

Greatness

As a basketball player, no one knew who I was until suddenly many did, but only after thousands of hours in the early mornings before school were invested to get better at my craft.

This same phenomenon applies to my new career as a speaker... no one knows who I am and then a cusp is reached and then suddenly, many do. If you only knew how much I walk around when I am by myself, talking to myself, working on intonation and inflection... looking like a madman if anyone saw me... and they do, when I am at the park with my son or walking the dog.

Yet, the professional aspirations pale compared to the struggle of personal greatness... at night, when the stage lights of our professional lives have turned off. Do we have the resolve to work on our own selves, in quiet reflection, studying the triggers and anxieties that accompany us during the days, addressing the stories behind them? This has been my greatest challenge and always will be- personal development; more than basketball, more than speaking.

The greatest challenge of my life will always be personal development and self-awareness/accountability...

Yet, I choose to work it everyday, when no one is watching. I choose the grueling path and hard work of accountability, integrity and Inner-greatness, when no one is watching.

Follow Lance on Huffington Post

Comment

Perfection

Comment

Perfection

We believe that in order to achieve perfection we must immediately be perfect. And so most of us give up way too early. Where there is no struggle, discomfort, setbacks or resistance we cannot grow. Perfection is the daily choice of pushing yourself, awkwardly, out of your comfort zone

Perfection is the daily choice of pushing yourself, awkwardly, out of your comfort zone.

Comment

Regret

Comment

Regret

I heard the cliche “You are only as good as your last game,” so many times as a player and it was crippling. It kept us focused on the past, in a place of regret and guilt, instead of being present and ready for the next game. Same goes for your shots. Leave them behind, in their proper place, made or missed and move on to the next shot.

This parallel holds true for life. You are going to make mistakes. Life is a game of mistakes, just like basketball. It all comes down to who has the gumption and grit to pick themselves up and keep playing on, learning through their mistakes.

You are going to make mistakes. Play on.

Learn from your mistakes. Learn your lessons. Develop wisdom. Apply it. That is how you will be successful. Successful people are suddenly just successful: they are people who chose to quickly learn from their mistakes and apply them to future challenges.

Follow Lance on Huffington Post

Comment

Comfort Zones

Comment

Comfort Zones

Being born in a polygamist commune in rural Montana, I never had the luxury of sign language to help with my hearing loss. Nor did I like my hearing aides, because they reminded me that I wasn’t “Normal.” But my mother made me go to speech therapy and she made me wear my hearing aides. At the time I resented her for it, but I now know she was wanting me to have the best chances possible of a successful life.

But I do not think she was aware of how bold she was forcing me to be. Unconsciously, she was forcing me so far out of my comfort zones, that I was never allowed any comfort zones.

Because of that, I have very very comfort zones. If I could travel the world, speaking broken English on every continent through various cultures, communicating through awkward and tense moments, continually pushing myself out of my comfort zones, what is your excuse to not step outside of your comfort zone?

There is a big world out there waiting for you to step into it!

We were not born to be caged within out comfort zones.

What comfort zones have settled in, physically and emotionally, to protect yourself from pain, never daring to take risk? And have those comfort zones short-changed your life experiences as an adult?

Follow Lance on Huffington Post

Comment

Failure

Comment

Failure

Failure to me, simply means you are stepping outside of your comfort zone. That you are trying something new. And there is nothing to be ashamed about that.

People are afraid of this word called, “failure,” because they feel it is a representation of their worth and value and nothing could be further from the truth. Yet, most people are afraid of failing because they fear what others will think of them. Who are you even living your life for?!

I have spent too many hours of my life, living my life for the opinion and praise of others. I will never get those hours back.

To me the true essence of the meaning of failure, is mediocrity: playing it safe, within your bubble, within your comfort zone, never daring to take risk.

I have failed so many times in my life, and I pick myself up every time. And that is why I am successful. It is not easy. It is hard work. But I choose to live life on my terms, going out my way.

Go be bold. Fail. Fail a million times. And get back up every time. And you will have a life of distinction. I promise you.

Follow Lance on Huffington Post

Comment

Depression and Despair

Comment

Depression and Despair

Cliche Alert: It is always darkest before dawn.

Not just professionally speaking, but as a human, as a man, who has struggled with depression, yes, even suicidal depression, I know this pain. I know this struggle.

I know this struggle.

Even as a kid, I struggled with suicidal depression due to bullying. Seratonin imbalance is a genetic trait in my family. And it sucks. I get it.

But I have always chosen to get up every time, every morning, even when everything is bleak and there is no proverbial light even remotely visible at the end of the tunnel. And yet, I have been through it enough times to know that when it truly is darkest, life is preparing me for a major shift, and sometimes that shift is simply: Clarity.

Here are things I have learned to help me endure these dark times:

  1. Exercise. Yes, I know you have heard this. Even if it just means taking a walk with your dog. And that remind me. Get a pet. Something. Hell, even a pet fish.
  2. 5-htp. This is a great, natural, over-the-counter supplement that doesn’t kill your creativity and personality. I have been on all sorts of medication, but 5-htp is the most efficient for me.
  3. Blow open the Matrix: Learn to be aware of your thought patterns. You will notice your tendencies and habits, and though habits. And when you do that, you become much more objective about your mental health and realize you might be choosing to play a role. Instead, be aware of your thought patterns, be accountable and responsible for them!

Follow Lance on Huffington Post

Comment

Compassion

Comment

Compassion

Compassion protects you.

I know this sounds like an oxymoron, but it is not.

Compassion protects you...

This is how I learned to combat bullying and depression as a boy. I learned to put myself in the shoes of my tormentors and ask myself, What is going on in their home life, that is so bad that they need to torment my and try and make me feel bad about myself?

By putting myself in their shoes, I was able to get outside of my head, and no longer able to internalize it. Eventually, because of this, my tormentors and bullies grew bored with me because I was no longer giving them the reaction they wanted. This skill served me well as a basketball player and still does today as a motivational speaker. People inflict pain when they are in pain.

People inflict pain when they are in pain...

When you walk through life with compassion and patience for others, you realize their pain is simply a projection which they are trying to pass on to you, and it has nothing to do with you. It is not about you.

Remember this: Compassion protects you.

Follow Lance on Huffington Post

Comment

Highs and Lows

Comment

Highs and Lows

Friends have come and gone throughout my life. Some I still love. Some I know who they truly are: friends that were never truly my friends, because they themselves didn’t know who they were.

When times were great, many friends showed up out of the woodwork to congratulate me: when I made the NBA, or when my first book was published by HarperCollins.

When times were bad, those friends were nowhere to be seen.

Whether you are at rock bottom or at the highest peak, you always find out who your friends are. And who you are is the beat you keep through it all.

Always be consistent in who you are, in your integrity. And no matter what life is throwing at you, you will lear the lesson, the hard way, that life is never as good as it seems, nor as bad as it seems. The truth is always somewhere in between.

Life is never as good as it seems, nor as bad as it seems. The truth is always somewhere in between.

Highs and Lows.jpg

Follow Lance on Huffington Post

Comment

Success

Comment

Success

First off- we have to clarify how we are defining “success.”

Most people define success by the size of their bank account. I define it by the quality and depth of my closest relationships, the peace and solitude of my daily thoughts, the amount of opportunities that I have to give and be of service to others... if I am simply, happy and at peace. That is success to me.

I define success to be whether I am simply happy and at peace.

One way that I ensure I have peace is through high quality relationships. Relationships that I have developed and nurtured through many lessons learned. When I was younger, I had to always win, even at board games. And I would willingly sacrifice my friendships. It was because I was so insecure, needing to believe that if I won, then somehow I had value, or more value than I did before.

I tarnished a lot of friendships because of my immaturity.

But I have chosen to step into an authentic space, knowing my self-worth is never in question, which allows me to be more vulnerable with others and more caring about their needs. I don’t need to win, and if I do, I do it humble. And if I lose, I lose graciously, knowing my friendships and relationships are more valuable than my bank account.

Relationships are the strongest currency in the world, not the dollar bill.

Follow Lance on Huffington Post

Comment

Wanting more out of life?

Comment

Wanting more out of life?

Are you feeling underwhelmed with life?

Unfulfilled?

Unhappy?

Sometimes we have to lessen our expectations from life and others, so that we aren’t always disappointed or let down.

But there are other times, where we need to actually start asking bigger questions:

Am I here to live from paycheck to paycheck?
Am I here to collect a bunch of possessions, bills and debt, and then die?
Am I here to always follow orders and rules by authority figures, and take their statements and opinions at face value... as fact?
Am I here, rather, to be extension of the human experience? To go and gather as much information and memory as I can, to help the greater consciousness of humanity?
Am I here to be bold? To do it my way. On my terms?
Am I here to swing for the fences, every time? Because this is my one life. Why not?

Ask yourself these bold questions, and see what your heart tells you.

All it takes is the first step.

I have never worried too much about the details... I let them take care of themselves as I trust my intuition will let me know what to prioritize and when.

It is your life. Live it your way. Why not?

It is your life. Live it your way.

Follow Lance on Huffington Post

Comment

The Three Principles of Perseverance

The Three Principles of Perseverance

Being the first legally deaf player in NBA History, with 75% hearing loss, I have many people asking me, “How did you do it? How did you achieve your ‘unattainable’ goal of playing in the NBA?” I know they wish that I had a magic wand to share with them. But I do not.

What I have are Five Principles of Perseverance, and I will share Three of them with you.